The "Nolanized" Bane.

To pop my blog's cherry by posting an actual post, let me converse with you about the viral news that struck like lightning this morning to Christopher Nolan's Batman universe. Finally, an image of Tom Hardy as Bane in the upcoming The Dark Knight Rises has been released!

People were in shock!

Macauly did the same reaction when he saw Michael Jackson for the first time

People cried!

I know Dawson, I feel you man... I feel you! We understand each other!

And of course, guys worldwide jizzed all over their girlfriends with joy!

I know I would but unfortunately my girlfriend doesn't approve of such acts so I had to do it on a napkin

As a Batman fan, I know I could sleep at night safely knowing that Christopher Nolan has pleased and filled my spank-bank once more, but unfortunately it's going to be the last time he will be directing a Batman movie. On a fun note, although he won't direct another one, rumors say that he will be writing the next movie's script that will lead to a Justice League movie. Avenger's rip-off anyone? Such a Dreamworks vs. Pixar thing to do.

But to tell you the truth, I am slightly disappointed. Now, I know you'll be saying "But dude, you're still gonna watch the movie," of course I am! However, a single drag isn't a calamity folks! See, I'm a bit bitter as a result of the image that was released of Tom Hardy portraying Bane because of the mask. Everyone knows that Bane's mask is the staple of Bane other than "I WILL BRRRREAK YOU!" I mean, come on! Who doesn't love a guy who dresses up as heavy-duty, dominatrix gimp? I am very upset, and due to that, I had a pretty well pre-conception of how Bane's appearance would be which is as demonstrated:

The image on the right is the way Bane is animated in the comic books. Now, I am completely aware that movie directors and costume designers can't make a comic book character completely real without having to use CGI and in this case, Christopher Nolan is trying to make everything as real as it can possibly can... no CGI. Being that situation, I can understand how this brings complications, but that's not the case. You don't have to make the character look as that abortion that Joel Schumacher wiped his ass with in Batman & Robin as an excuse to call it Bane. You don't have to do that, but can you at least keep the mask? Recent images have demonstrated Tom Hardy to be very muscular and bulky so you can witness it yourself that he's clearly done his homework but now he's not the problem... the costume is the problem. I only hope that the costume keeps increasing to be fearsome, 'cause from what was released this morning I have to say... he just looks ridiculous, not menacing.

This next image is Tom Hardy on what happens to be, the Bane costume? If that's the Bane costume, I can't wait to see how Catwoman looks like... it better just be bra, that's all I can say. Now, we're too early in the production of the film to actually say this is the final incorporation of Bane's attire, but fanboys, come on! This is really stupid to make a big deal out of. If you thought that this post about Bane was supposed to be all about this image... well it sort of is, but it's for you to just shut the fuck up! Now not entirely to shut you up, I'm only going to analyze this image. 

To start it off, the mask sucks! First of all, he looks like a modern Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs and all he needs left is little tiny binoculars in his eyes and dreadlocks and he'll look like Kabal from Mortal Kombat. I really hope Christopher Nolan adds a few touches later into the film because this looks a bit dull. Maybe, just maybe, this is an image of him in the prison Peña Dura, thus the image actually just being an early form of Bane. If you look at it closely, he has marks down his spine. If they're Tom Hardy's actual scars then I may be wrong, but they could be marks from the tubes pumping the venom serum. If you keep looking even closer at his legs (I wish I had a way to zoom in on an image), he seems to be wearing a faded out black, close gray, and white pants. This brings my theory of him still being in prison to be true (I hope). Other than that, I just don't like the mask and I'm going to wait for more images to be released.

Ryan Reynolds, you should be ashamed of yourself! Learn from Tom Hardy!

 

Now like I said, they're trying to keep their distance far away from CGI as possible so I'm pretty sure that Tom Hardy will have to eat more fats and proteins and continue hitting the Bowflex to keep his body heavy but I know that they'll give him boots in the end to make him taller. Long-story short (you're probably telling yourself "after an hour of reading later, dick!"), I am still very excited for The Dark Knight Rises because Bane is one of my favorite villains. I do happen to own the Knightfall series so I hope that they try to at least use those series as an influence.


In conclusion, I know that Nolan will give all of his heart and cojones (I mean of course, that's what you get when you make a deal with the Devil to be a great director) to get this movie to be the best it can and with this cast of course he will! What, we got Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Anne Hathaway. There's even rumors that Dr. Hugo Strange will be involved in this as well so our loads over our girlfriends will be even stickier. I'd say, leave your comments on what you think but unfortunately, nobody has yet to subscribe or follow or whatever the fuck you wanna call it but I'll let you know... there will be severe consequences to hate-comments.

I..... WIIIILLLLL

Thanks for reading!

P.S.:

If we survive the destruction of the world tomorrow May 21st, 2011, then stay tuned for my next posts! I want to share my views on the Fright Night re-make; talk about the current state of Nickelodeon television; a few video games that have tickled my fancy (and other things); The Amazing Spider-Man movie and I also want to hold some opinions on A.F.I.; and share some music from Fifteen, Propagandhi, Against Me and Mineral!